Are french kids more independent?

This may be a biased post
simply based on my personal experience and observations
about the differences here and in singapore
How french kids became independent?

Grandparents are not greatly involved
Unlike in sg, grandparents are not greatly involved in childcare
Apart from the fact that families rarely live with their grandparents,
most grandparents prefer to enjoy their lives than retstart childcare responsibilities
At most, children are sent to spend their holidays with their grandparents
husband took a flight alone when he was about 10 years old?!
or if grandparents are staying near, 
some days they helped out with babysitting .
Daily living lies primarily the parents' responsibilities
Parenting is direct and consistent at home

Childrearing practices in France
I dont think is because parents are working
but mainly because of  traditional childrearing patterns in france, 
where children sleeps at 8pm daily so that they will rest enough for the next day
although i think is more for parents can have time for themselves.
So for weekdays, most children only spend time with their parents
in the morning before school and after parents are home at about 6.30-7pm till about 8pm
basically, children are trained to be independent,
since the parents are not available for most of the time in the day.

Long schooling hours
Children are in school from about 8.30am to 4/5pm
Except for Wednesday, where school ends at 12pm or no school at all.
Even when they are in childcare, like from 3 years old.
This is great news for working parents
but it also means that children are required to develop skills to cope 
with the long hours away from parents

Independence are valued
In the childcare,
the teacher will come to me and tell me not to help
the 3yo girl to wear her coat 
even when i see her struggling with the zip and sleeves
after we step out of the school,
the teacher assistant asked her whether she did it alone
is like to reinforce that she must do it alone
because she is a big girl
woah.. "Big girl" is constantly mentioned by the teachers and the parents
She is also trained to go toilet herself (poo or pee),
eat at the table herself, take her bath on her own 
(okay i dont leave her alone in the tub)
The parents dont mind if she makes a mess at the table
or not really that clean after the bath
but its a constant training that starts really young.
I guess with the limited time that parents are around,
it is important that kid can be independent in activities of daily living.

Kids are treated as little adults
Physical punishment is a big No-No here
apparently, a child tells an adult about a slap etcs
the next moment parents can be in the police station to explain what happened
The common punishment here is standing (time out)
or removal of rewards (eg no outing)
I am amazed how my boss will always patiently explain to her 3 year old
when she is about to do something strange 
eg putting a small pearl in her mouth
My boss will explain to her why it is dangerous, what will happen,
and where else she can keep the pearl, eg in pocket
For me, im panicking and trying to make her take it out asap
or want to shout "NO" when its a "No"
It seems even when kids have no knowledge of language,
parents should treat them as little adults to speak and discuss
rather than being authorative

Self-soothing never ends
Maybe its the MIA parents effects
I noticed that the girls, even the 10 years old, 
are still very attached to their doudou (a small soft-toy)
and thumb sucking
If they are upset or angry,
the first thing they look for is their doudou.
Maybe because kids are able to self-soothe on their own
which make me wonder is it part of freud's effect since french dont really breastfeed
or how it impact their attachment issues
but i guess this is a leisure post that i shall not dwell in the theory aspects

Husband once asked how will i bring up my kids
what aspects of singaporean context ill bring in
I think in the eyes of french, 
i will probably be seen as a over-pampering parent?
Because i dont think i can be as cool as they are...

If you are interested about childrearing differences in france,
you can buy or borrow from me this book:
Bringing up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman

french apple tart

Never a fan of apple pie
found it too sweet or too filling
however, the apple/plums etc tart here
is really thin and simple
after tasting it many times at my in-law home,
I decided to make it at home.

The ingredients:
- 3/4 apples peeled and sliced
- ready made tart pastry
- sugar
- butter

Just place sliced apples in tart
add sugar on top
and a little butter all over
baked for 30mins 
and its done!

Carte vitale

Finally, after 6 months of application
I received my carte viale and social security number!
surprisingly, i received a new social security number
and not tag under husband's
probably because i have been working
and is not seen as a dependent

anyway, it just mean im in the social welfare / health insurance system
where i can get reinbusement for my doctors, dentists, hospital, medicines fees!
I shall start doing some health visits soon...

Father's role in parenting?

Probably in traditional family,

mothers often play the heavier role in parenting,

as the main care taker and provider for the kids,

based on my upbringing and observations.

While fathers are the main disciplinarians / fun provider?

However, with more women working,

most fathers are doing more in terms of parenting.

But, personally, I still think mothers are the main providers.

In france, i think there is more balance between the roles.

At the previous new year eve party,

there was a couple that brought their 2 years old daughter.

When it was bed time,

the father brought the daughter to the room and put her to bed,

while the mother continues to drink and merry at the party.

I was surprised at the role-reversal

but husband thinks that its because the mother is the friend of the host

while the father is a plus-one.

While picking up the girls at school,

I noticed that there are some fathers picking up their kids

but most of all, are still the mums / babysitters

and a few grandparents (which is rare)

In the family i worked with,

most of the time i see my boss (the mother) around,

while the father comes homes after i left

but he is the one who send the girls to school in the morning.

My boss is away for 2 days for work,

and the girls are complaining to me 

how they are not used to their father helping them with homework etcs

husband had a fatherly conversation with a colleague

how the colleague reminded him that 

life will be different after a kid

no more partying and your life revolves around the kid

and i gently reminded husband that a mother's life will be change like 1000000x more

I guess in the country where there are more feminists, 

fighting for women's rights,

mothers still take on more when it comes to parenting...

Maybe im just biased.

Bilan de competence

As required by the visa contract
I was to go for an employment suitability assessment session
Husband says is like helping the unemployed to build their CV
and to be match with possible jobs

Last friday i was really nervous for my appointment
I am sure it will be done in French
and with my level of french,
i am unsure how I will be able to explain my CV
Considering the fact that my job sector is not easy to explain
Even to english speakers about social worker, art therapist etcs

My appointment was 930am
There was only a man in 40s and me to 1 job consultant
First, we were to fill up a simple form - 
personal info, education qualifications, past work experience
The man spoke a really good french
but he is unable to read or write
I was practically left alone

Thereafter, we were given an assessment test 
Since the man was unable to read or write,
he was only required to do like 3 pages out of the 10 pages
So, the consultant did the individual session with him at 10.30am
while i am struggling to complete the crazy assessment paper

So, first page was to self-rate on compentence/ qualitites...
I rated myself quite highly and consistently
till i realised i rated myself  to perform these in English
and not french
Eg: Public speaking
i think i should have rated myslf low
anyway, the consultant didnt even read

Next, was to indicate my preference of industry
So i just had to tick "Yes, no, maybe"
to the long list of various industries

Then, the nightmare begins..
I was to write of a personal job experience
that i felt discouraged and how i regained my job satisfaction
in French  -,-"

After, a french poem was given 
and i was to circle the grammartical mistakes
I cant even identify the normal sentences mistakes
and i was to highlight them in a poem?!!!

Next, was 2 pages of words related to job qualities
that i was to give alternative words to represent them
Eg Logical - Reasoning, Cognitive
This is a freaking french test than an assessment

Then, it was french idioms 
and i have to choose the meaning of the idioms

Finally, the nightmare was over..
With spotting 10 difference in 2 photos,
mental representation exercises like this IQ test
where a box is lay flat and you are to choose
how it will look like in various direction

At 11.45am, the consultant finally returned
to end my assessment test misery
and she informed that our session will be short
because she wants to go for lunch
so, she basically just briefly looked through what i did in 3mins
except for the writing on the job incident
and i was surprise that she mentioned that i wrote quite well
at least, not much mistakes
that she wrote that i will be able to handle simple admin work
with some supervision

due to a miscommunication,
or rather i interpreted her question wrongly,
she thought i was unemployed
and started to ask whether i will like to work as cashiers in supermarkets
or in restaurants, saying that many asians make sushi
how sad it is that foreigners can only be suited to do these

Thereafter, I received a write up
like a summary of my job experiences and followups to be done
while she was happy to go for lunch
i mentioned that i was heading to work
and she realised i am employed
Immediately changes what she wrote in my profile
and delayed the session
but overall, she was still nice and helpful
and probably the last time i will be here
since, the next time i was supposed to follow up
at the official unemployment organization

I was glad that all was done even in my poor french
But something she said is like rubbing salt in my wound
"Its sad that you have so much knowledge 
but unable to share due to the language difference"

Oh well, c'est la vie.

what'll you have done?

Yesterday in the metro
on my way to work
there was a man in his 40s
taking the seat near the exit
I was sitting diagonally away from him
half way through my ride
the man put up his leg against the beam
hmm beam is not a good word
but im refering to those vertical bars
for people to hold on in metros
basically he was like stretching his leg
while seated and shoe on the beam
hard to describe it exactly

but it wasnt a nice gesture
as we know paris is full of dog poo,
who knows what the man stepped on
secondly, he blocks the way
I was surprised when he did it
and I was waiting for the other passages
to give him the famous french stare.
a few french noticed and startes the
"i disapprove" look

While I was thinking if in singapore,
we will probably give the look too
and complain after we exit the mrt
or secretly take photo to stomp it
maybe some extremists will shout at him

Then suddenly a lady standing near the door
maybe about her late 30s
approached the man politely
I mean polite because she started with
the usual "hello" and "excuse me"
her voice was calm and gentle
she asked the man 
whether he can put his leg down
as kids are very likely to hold the beam
even when the man refused 
and started saying back some stuff rudely
was too noisy for me to listen
the lady replied its not nice 
and goodbye as she left the train.

Sadly, I dont think ill do as well as the lady
polite yet straightforward 
I guess it takes less courage 
to be one of the staring crowd

marche republicain

With the recent attacks in paris
everyone seems to be in high alert mode
but daily life goes on as usual
except more police/security guards seen

I guess its a great shock to french because
a) paris, the capital is attacked
b) french are really into free speech and rights
c) there are huge no of foreigners here

Husband told me about friends

who cried or became depressed

after what happened

yeap.. It really shocked the country

Husband and I are not into politics

but we decided to show our support

at the rally walk last sunday

We googled and noted the 3 routes

the walk was taking place

from republic to nation

(eg city hall to tampines)

we decided not to join the crowd 

at the start

since most metro stations around

were closed

Our plan was to go bastille

(eg eunos)

walk 10mins to 1 of the indicated routes

and meet the crowd mid way

When we arrived Bastille

we were surprised by the crowd!

because it was not a designated route

and yet,

it appeared to be the same walk!

Husband concluded that 

the crowd was too huge

to be allocated into 3 routes

that more streets became occupied

As people jammed the allocated routes

So we joined into the walk!

it was different from the gay pride

where everyone was in party mode

but people were holding signs

bringing their kids

and clapping to cheer the crowd

Shortly, human jam again

and we followed the others to the smaller streets

and ended up near our home

which was quite far from the designated route

but we decided to end our walk.

Recently, there have been news 

about mosques being attacked

I hope all will be fine soon...