simply based on my personal experience and observations
about the differences here and in singapore
How french kids became independent?
Grandparents are not greatly involved
Unlike in sg, grandparents are not greatly involved in childcare
Apart from the fact that families rarely live with their grandparents,
most grandparents prefer to enjoy their lives than retstart childcare responsibilities
At most, children are sent to spend their holidays with their grandparents
husband took a flight alone when he was about 10 years old?!
or if grandparents are staying near,
some days they helped out with babysitting .
Daily living lies primarily the parents' responsibilities
Parenting is direct and consistent at home
Childrearing practices in France
I dont think is because parents are working
but mainly because of traditional childrearing patterns in france,
where children sleeps at 8pm daily so that they will rest enough for the next day
although i think is more for parents can have time for themselves.
So for weekdays, most children only spend time with their parents
in the morning before school and after parents are home at about 6.30-7pm till about 8pm
basically, children are trained to be independent,
since the parents are not available for most of the time in the day.
Long schooling hours
Children are in school from about 8.30am to 4/5pm
Except for Wednesday, where school ends at 12pm or no school at all.
Even when they are in childcare, like from 3 years old.
This is great news for working parents
but it also means that children are required to develop skills to cope
with the long hours away from parents
Independence are valued
In the childcare,
the teacher will come to me and tell me not to help
the 3yo girl to wear her coat
even when i see her struggling with the zip and sleeves
after we step out of the school,
the teacher assistant asked her whether she did it alone
is like to reinforce that she must do it alone
because she is a big girl
woah.. "Big girl" is constantly mentioned by the teachers and the parents
She is also trained to go toilet herself (poo or pee),
eat at the table herself, take her bath on her own
(okay i dont leave her alone in the tub)
The parents dont mind if she makes a mess at the table
or not really that clean after the bath
but its a constant training that starts really young.
I guess with the limited time that parents are around,
it is important that kid can be independent in activities of daily living.
Kids are treated as little adults
Physical punishment is a big No-No here
apparently, a child tells an adult about a slap etcs
the next moment parents can be in the police station to explain what happened
The common punishment here is standing (time out)
or removal of rewards (eg no outing)
I am amazed how my boss will always patiently explain to her 3 year old
when she is about to do something strange
eg putting a small pearl in her mouth
My boss will explain to her why it is dangerous, what will happen,
and where else she can keep the pearl, eg in pocket
For me, im panicking and trying to make her take it out asap
or want to shout "NO" when its a "No"
It seems even when kids have no knowledge of language,
parents should treat them as little adults to speak and discuss
rather than being authorative
Self-soothing never ends
Maybe its the MIA parents effects
I noticed that the girls, even the 10 years old,
are still very attached to their doudou (a small soft-toy)
and thumb sucking
If they are upset or angry,
the first thing they look for is their doudou.
Maybe because kids are able to self-soothe on their own
which make me wonder is it part of freud's effect since french dont really breastfeed
or how it impact their attachment issues
but i guess this is a leisure post that i shall not dwell in the theory aspects
Husband once asked how will i bring up my kids
what aspects of singaporean context ill bring in
I think in the eyes of french,
i will probably be seen as a over-pampering parent?
Because i dont think i can be as cool as they are...
If you are interested about childrearing differences in france,
you can buy or borrow from me this book:
Bringing up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman
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