Are french kids more independent?

This may be a biased post
simply based on my personal experience and observations
about the differences here and in singapore
How french kids became independent?

Grandparents are not greatly involved
Unlike in sg, grandparents are not greatly involved in childcare
Apart from the fact that families rarely live with their grandparents,
most grandparents prefer to enjoy their lives than retstart childcare responsibilities
At most, children are sent to spend their holidays with their grandparents
husband took a flight alone when he was about 10 years old?!
or if grandparents are staying near, 
some days they helped out with babysitting .
Daily living lies primarily the parents' responsibilities
Parenting is direct and consistent at home

Childrearing practices in France
I dont think is because parents are working
but mainly because of  traditional childrearing patterns in france, 
where children sleeps at 8pm daily so that they will rest enough for the next day
although i think is more for parents can have time for themselves.
So for weekdays, most children only spend time with their parents
in the morning before school and after parents are home at about 6.30-7pm till about 8pm
basically, children are trained to be independent,
since the parents are not available for most of the time in the day.

Long schooling hours
Children are in school from about 8.30am to 4/5pm
Except for Wednesday, where school ends at 12pm or no school at all.
Even when they are in childcare, like from 3 years old.
This is great news for working parents
but it also means that children are required to develop skills to cope 
with the long hours away from parents

Independence are valued
In the childcare,
the teacher will come to me and tell me not to help
the 3yo girl to wear her coat 
even when i see her struggling with the zip and sleeves
after we step out of the school,
the teacher assistant asked her whether she did it alone
is like to reinforce that she must do it alone
because she is a big girl
woah.. "Big girl" is constantly mentioned by the teachers and the parents
She is also trained to go toilet herself (poo or pee),
eat at the table herself, take her bath on her own 
(okay i dont leave her alone in the tub)
The parents dont mind if she makes a mess at the table
or not really that clean after the bath
but its a constant training that starts really young.
I guess with the limited time that parents are around,
it is important that kid can be independent in activities of daily living.

Kids are treated as little adults
Physical punishment is a big No-No here
apparently, a child tells an adult about a slap etcs
the next moment parents can be in the police station to explain what happened
The common punishment here is standing (time out)
or removal of rewards (eg no outing)
I am amazed how my boss will always patiently explain to her 3 year old
when she is about to do something strange 
eg putting a small pearl in her mouth
My boss will explain to her why it is dangerous, what will happen,
and where else she can keep the pearl, eg in pocket
For me, im panicking and trying to make her take it out asap
or want to shout "NO" when its a "No"
It seems even when kids have no knowledge of language,
parents should treat them as little adults to speak and discuss
rather than being authorative

Self-soothing never ends
Maybe its the MIA parents effects
I noticed that the girls, even the 10 years old, 
are still very attached to their doudou (a small soft-toy)
and thumb sucking
If they are upset or angry,
the first thing they look for is their doudou.
Maybe because kids are able to self-soothe on their own
which make me wonder is it part of freud's effect since french dont really breastfeed
or how it impact their attachment issues
but i guess this is a leisure post that i shall not dwell in the theory aspects

Husband once asked how will i bring up my kids
what aspects of singaporean context ill bring in
I think in the eyes of french, 
i will probably be seen as a over-pampering parent?
Because i dont think i can be as cool as they are...

If you are interested about childrearing differences in france,
you can buy or borrow from me this book:
Bringing up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman

french apple tart

Never a fan of apple pie
found it too sweet or too filling
however, the apple/plums etc tart here
is really thin and simple
after tasting it many times at my in-law home,
I decided to make it at home.

The ingredients:
- 3/4 apples peeled and sliced
- ready made tart pastry
- sugar
- butter

Just place sliced apples in tart
add sugar on top
and a little butter all over
baked for 30mins 
and its done!

Carte vitale

Finally, after 6 months of application
I received my carte viale and social security number!
surprisingly, i received a new social security number
and not tag under husband's
probably because i have been working
and is not seen as a dependent

anyway, it just mean im in the social welfare / health insurance system
where i can get reinbusement for my doctors, dentists, hospital, medicines fees!
I shall start doing some health visits soon...

Father's role in parenting?

Probably in traditional family,

mothers often play the heavier role in parenting,

as the main care taker and provider for the kids,

based on my upbringing and observations.

While fathers are the main disciplinarians / fun provider?

However, with more women working,

most fathers are doing more in terms of parenting.

But, personally, I still think mothers are the main providers.

In france, i think there is more balance between the roles.

At the previous new year eve party,

there was a couple that brought their 2 years old daughter.

When it was bed time,

the father brought the daughter to the room and put her to bed,

while the mother continues to drink and merry at the party.

I was surprised at the role-reversal

but husband thinks that its because the mother is the friend of the host

while the father is a plus-one.

While picking up the girls at school,

I noticed that there are some fathers picking up their kids

but most of all, are still the mums / babysitters

and a few grandparents (which is rare)

In the family i worked with,

most of the time i see my boss (the mother) around,

while the father comes homes after i left

but he is the one who send the girls to school in the morning.

My boss is away for 2 days for work,

and the girls are complaining to me 

how they are not used to their father helping them with homework etcs

husband had a fatherly conversation with a colleague

how the colleague reminded him that 

life will be different after a kid

no more partying and your life revolves around the kid

and i gently reminded husband that a mother's life will be change like 1000000x more

I guess in the country where there are more feminists, 

fighting for women's rights,

mothers still take on more when it comes to parenting...

Maybe im just biased.

Bilan de competence

As required by the visa contract
I was to go for an employment suitability assessment session
Husband says is like helping the unemployed to build their CV
and to be match with possible jobs

Last friday i was really nervous for my appointment
I am sure it will be done in French
and with my level of french,
i am unsure how I will be able to explain my CV
Considering the fact that my job sector is not easy to explain
Even to english speakers about social worker, art therapist etcs

My appointment was 930am
There was only a man in 40s and me to 1 job consultant
First, we were to fill up a simple form - 
personal info, education qualifications, past work experience
The man spoke a really good french
but he is unable to read or write
I was practically left alone

Thereafter, we were given an assessment test 
Since the man was unable to read or write,
he was only required to do like 3 pages out of the 10 pages
So, the consultant did the individual session with him at 10.30am
while i am struggling to complete the crazy assessment paper

So, first page was to self-rate on compentence/ qualitites...
I rated myself quite highly and consistently
till i realised i rated myself  to perform these in English
and not french
Eg: Public speaking
i think i should have rated myslf low
anyway, the consultant didnt even read

Next, was to indicate my preference of industry
So i just had to tick "Yes, no, maybe"
to the long list of various industries

Then, the nightmare begins..
I was to write of a personal job experience
that i felt discouraged and how i regained my job satisfaction
in French  -,-"

After, a french poem was given 
and i was to circle the grammartical mistakes
I cant even identify the normal sentences mistakes
and i was to highlight them in a poem?!!!

Next, was 2 pages of words related to job qualities
that i was to give alternative words to represent them
Eg Logical - Reasoning, Cognitive
This is a freaking french test than an assessment

Then, it was french idioms 
and i have to choose the meaning of the idioms

Finally, the nightmare was over..
With spotting 10 difference in 2 photos,
mental representation exercises like this IQ test
where a box is lay flat and you are to choose
how it will look like in various direction

At 11.45am, the consultant finally returned
to end my assessment test misery
and she informed that our session will be short
because she wants to go for lunch
so, she basically just briefly looked through what i did in 3mins
except for the writing on the job incident
and i was surprise that she mentioned that i wrote quite well
at least, not much mistakes
that she wrote that i will be able to handle simple admin work
with some supervision

due to a miscommunication,
or rather i interpreted her question wrongly,
she thought i was unemployed
and started to ask whether i will like to work as cashiers in supermarkets
or in restaurants, saying that many asians make sushi
how sad it is that foreigners can only be suited to do these

Thereafter, I received a write up
like a summary of my job experiences and followups to be done
while she was happy to go for lunch
i mentioned that i was heading to work
and she realised i am employed
Immediately changes what she wrote in my profile
and delayed the session
but overall, she was still nice and helpful
and probably the last time i will be here
since, the next time i was supposed to follow up
at the official unemployment organization

I was glad that all was done even in my poor french
But something she said is like rubbing salt in my wound
"Its sad that you have so much knowledge 
but unable to share due to the language difference"

Oh well, c'est la vie.

what'll you have done?

Yesterday in the metro
on my way to work
there was a man in his 40s
taking the seat near the exit
I was sitting diagonally away from him
half way through my ride
the man put up his leg against the beam
hmm beam is not a good word
but im refering to those vertical bars
for people to hold on in metros
basically he was like stretching his leg
while seated and shoe on the beam
hard to describe it exactly

but it wasnt a nice gesture
as we know paris is full of dog poo,
who knows what the man stepped on
secondly, he blocks the way
I was surprised when he did it
and I was waiting for the other passages
to give him the famous french stare.
a few french noticed and startes the
"i disapprove" look

While I was thinking if in singapore,
we will probably give the look too
and complain after we exit the mrt
or secretly take photo to stomp it
maybe some extremists will shout at him

Then suddenly a lady standing near the door
maybe about her late 30s
approached the man politely
I mean polite because she started with
the usual "hello" and "excuse me"
her voice was calm and gentle
she asked the man 
whether he can put his leg down
as kids are very likely to hold the beam
even when the man refused 
and started saying back some stuff rudely
was too noisy for me to listen
the lady replied its not nice 
and goodbye as she left the train.

Sadly, I dont think ill do as well as the lady
polite yet straightforward 
I guess it takes less courage 
to be one of the staring crowd

marche republicain

With the recent attacks in paris
everyone seems to be in high alert mode
but daily life goes on as usual
except more police/security guards seen

I guess its a great shock to french because
a) paris, the capital is attacked
b) french are really into free speech and rights
c) there are huge no of foreigners here

Husband told me about friends

who cried or became depressed

after what happened

yeap.. It really shocked the country

Husband and I are not into politics

but we decided to show our support

at the rally walk last sunday

We googled and noted the 3 routes

the walk was taking place

from republic to nation

(eg city hall to tampines)

we decided not to join the crowd 

at the start

since most metro stations around

were closed

Our plan was to go bastille

(eg eunos)

walk 10mins to 1 of the indicated routes

and meet the crowd mid way

When we arrived Bastille

we were surprised by the crowd!

because it was not a designated route

and yet,

it appeared to be the same walk!

Husband concluded that 

the crowd was too huge

to be allocated into 3 routes

that more streets became occupied

As people jammed the allocated routes

So we joined into the walk!

it was different from the gay pride

where everyone was in party mode

but people were holding signs

bringing their kids

and clapping to cheer the crowd

Shortly, human jam again

and we followed the others to the smaller streets

and ended up near our home

which was quite far from the designated route

but we decided to end our walk.

Recently, there have been news 

about mosques being attacked

I hope all will be fine soon...

hair affairs

When i was 16 - 20,
i used to love dying my hair
into the various colors

till i started to grow my hair long
and i was lazy of constant touching up of roots
 it became dying black to cover my whites
for many years

then i cut my hair off 
and went into a series of colors

 
which made my hair dried like hay
and it went back to dying black  

last year, i started tip dye
and dyed my ends into some colors
but overall still black

maybe because im bored here
or just taking advantage of being unemployed
and husband never seen me with colored hair
i started coloring my hair red
but due to the long period of black dye
it was never too obvious

since is 2015,
i decided i need a change
although winter and the constant dye
made my hair super dry
i still went ahead to bleach my hair
which gave me orange hair for a few days
and finally, i dyed it red.

it definitely damaged my hair badly
and winter is not helping
diy means a little uneven
but its a good change for the new year!
 

Nuit blanche 2014

was sorting out my photos
and realised i didnt blog about nuit blanche! 
nuit blanche is an annual art event in france
where museums are open to public
and art events on street
through the night in october

husband and i went around paris
without much research and see what we will walk past
although most of the art exhibitions  were chim
we did enjoyed the night walk around paris...

hair salon

I never went to a hair salon here
because I think they are expensive
average 30euros on 
for cut and wash
then im afraid I cant express well
or they are not trained to handle asian hair
so I have been diy-ing
and waiting to cut my hair in sg

For the husband,
we are lucky to have a 12euro mens haircut
below our appartment
with his curly hair,
Every few months, he looks like 
he is auditioning to be a clown.

With my talent in diy
and training to trim my dog hair, haha,
I started to cut his hair
since the 12euros shop just cut it short
nothing fanciful or stylish
so I can do the same

While im interested to do new styles
we do not have a electrical hair shaver at home
finally we found cheap one at a strange shop!
But I think is malfunctioning
because im pulling husband's hair
instead of shaving it fast

This was the goal:

Anyway the goal was to look stylish
but end up I shaved the side too much
that it looks more punk
or forrest gump
I have no idea on how the back should be
that its loopsided.

But I did this:

One of husband's friend said it looks gay
the other loved it
and by the time work starts,
the sides had grew longer
phew lucky!

Husbands seems to like the style
since he never shaved his hair
but im a little trumatised to use the shaver again

housewife

Every outing with class buddy
always end up in supermarket
or talking about cooking
sounds super huang lian po
sadly, class buddy's hubby is chinese
so, I cant really exchange
about non-asian food ideas
anyway, I come to the stage 
I prefer cooking asian food
because its faster and simpler.

Finally made my first japanese curry rice
with pork cutlet
surprised that husband prefer this
than my usual sg curry
I thought japanese curry was sweeter
but I guess he prefer the strong curry taste 

To add on my baking list
I tried to bake bread!
because I forgot to buy bread
haha
I tried the recipe for no knead bread
The first time it was flat and inside doughy

I try to fold less and bake it longer
The second time it looks better
but still doughy inside..
arghhh

I was trying to convince husband
that how nice it is to have a bread machine
before he reminded me 
that im in the country of bread
where every 300m I can find a bakery
and how my sister is craving for the bread here
ehh I guess means no to bread machine..

New Year Resolutions

So, is the time of the year to look back
and reflect on what i have done for 2014
Seriously, i have been quite emo about this
because i felt i have achieved nothing in 2014
except getting married to a wonderful guy
and took on his last name

Maybe i have expected more from myself
be it to have a good career
or at least a fatter bank account
especially when all my friends seems to be doing much better

I am trying to gather more motivation,
more hope, more good luck..
whatever that may help for my 2015.

Anyway my last year's resolution:
1) Lose weight
Thanks to my sick december
I managed to lost 2kg from my usual weight
after being well and Christmas, 
im back to my original weight as i arrived in Paris

2) Learn French
Completed classes,
able to make sentences
and understand slow-mo conversation
I guess this will be my resolution for many coming years..

3) Learn to bake
I guess this is quite well done this year
at least i made enough cookies and cakes,
and no one had food poisoning!
Haha

Resolutions for 2015:
1) Learn French

2) Find a better job by September
I guess I will continue the babysitting till July 2015
Where my contract will finish,
enough time to brush up my french,
complete the trip to Singapore,
think about what and how i want to work..
At least an office job to start off...
keeping my fingers and toes crossed!

3) Practice photography
Finally picked up my camera after 4 years
thanks to good phone cameras,
that i lost touch with my dslr
I may not have the best dslr or equipment
but i think i can still improve my skills
This will wait till i fix my lens,
as the husband accidently dropped it and it cracked..
well, story for another time

4) Being positive
This is the area that i struggled the most for 2014
I lost count for the time im down,
struggling to breathe and blaming the whole world.
A lot of thanks to my husband,
for standing by me through these bad times..
Thanks to all my friends to hear my texts complaints 
Time to recharge my battries!!!

Or maybe im just having a mid-life crisis?
Happy New year everyone...

UPS Updated

After the stupid-send-my-package-back saga,
Forever21 was quick to help me with the issue
and immediately resent the package after 2 days
on Sunday 21 December.
Surprisingly, 
I received a call from UPS on 22 December 
about delivery the next day
which means it will arrive before we leave for Christmas!

The phone call was bad
becausse the caller insisted on only speaking in french
in their normal speed
which means i dont really understand
but in summary, i guess she said that
they delivered my package to the Chinese restaurant
next to my appartment
because they have the same surname.
Since they rejected the package,
the package was sent back...
WTF

anyway, i went to spoke to the restaurant
in chinese, haha
to explain the situation
she is nice to tell me what happened  
and that she will inform them to send it next door
or leave in her restaurant 
if they make the same mistake.

The next day,
the delivery status was 
"Delivered by end of the day"
While i was bored by the fact to be stuck home
the whole day
the package came at 1030am!

The delivery man called me to collect the package
and complained to me about the previous delivery fault
well, i didnt really care
because im just happy to have my package!!

I just saw sales on Forever21
but im scare for the delievry by UPS again
I guess i shall stick to real life shopping for the time being...

New Year's eve

Since husband is on holidays till 5th January 2015, 
we basically do nothing everyday haha. 

Monday, we tried to go to the indoor ice-skating rink 
at the grand palaris, 
which is only opened for ice skating rink for 3 weeks each year, 
while being a normal museum for the rest of the year. 
Sadly, we were not prepared for the crowd, 
it was a queue for minimum 2 hours! 
We should had bought tickets online, 
which will allow us to enter in few minutes. 
I guess we can ice skate when we are back in Singapore. 
How ironic. 

We ended up going to the Christmas market, 
had ramen at the Japanese street, 
shopped at the Korean supermarket, 
where i still cant find my pokka green tea 
then to galarie lafayette for the christmas display. 

The next big event for our holiday is 
the new year's eve party at husband's friend's home.
Since is a potluck,
husband decided to volunteer to bring foie gras.
ended up there was so much food
that i think the couple is gonna spend next few days 
to finish all the left overs.

As usual, 
the party was about eating, drinking, dancing
and plenty of socialising for the french..
i did realised our Singaporean way of bottoms up
is quite unusual for the french
but i was drunk before the end of the night
my first drunk night in france
maybe apart from my wedding..

We managed to leave the party at 3am
and the next day was just me nursing my hangover
im getting old
that im actually having hangover for the whole day
-,-"

1 weekend left before the normal life
and back to my babysitting....