Icon of misfortune 2016

I used to always laugh at husband
for being the icon of misfortune
like Lee Kwang Soo in Running Man
Then I realised im the biggest icon of misfortune
since 2016 started...

January 2016
Visa issues that almost made us missed our flight back to Singapore

February 2016
Misdiagnosed lung infection
that made me suffer for a week
and almost missed our flight to Singapore again

March 2016
My babysitting family informed me that they will be shifting to Africa
so I will be unemployed after July 
after finally 2 years of holding on to the job and made the girls to hate me less

April 2016
Became pregnant but had to terminate pregnancy as baby is not growing
Bleeding supposed to stop after 5 days but is not stopping
I hope it wont end up in D&C 
to continue my misfortune to May

When will i be less unlucky?

When the happiest news became the saddest news...

Few weeks ago,
we found out I got pregnant naturally.
It came as a big suprise 
considering i dont ovulate normally,
we went through the visits to infertility centre,
all the tests
and finally was to start clomid.

While I was experiencing all the pregnancy symptoms,
writing down all the baby and me draft blog post,
telling close friends and family about the news,
and patiently waiting for the 3 months mark 
to finally announce to the whole world
and it became the saddest and hardest blog post that i have to write.
Without me dropping a tear or 2.

It came as a surprise 
and left as a surprise... 

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6 apr

Hello baby,
Today we finally see you at the gynae
But sadly is very bad news.
We were really looking forward to see you
Because we have been trying for so many months
And you came as a big surprise for us.

However,
The gynae said you are too small in your sac
And she saw no heartbeat
Although you should be in 7/8weeks
Which means you have stopped developing
And we need say bye bye to you.

Maman is going back to see gynae in 5days
But we know the high possibility that you are gone
And we wont detect your heartbeat in 5days.
Most likely, Maman will be taking med to let you out next weekend.
It's crazy how she never believe she is pregnant
When she finally accepted that you are here is time for you to go.

Papa is sad too
But he is trying his best to cheer Maman up
And still have hope that Monday you will show your heartbeat
He is also trying be optimistic that we will have a another you soon.

As papa is going for a trip next few days,
Your grandparents and aunts are very worried for Maman,
And insist that she go stay with them
But Maman prefer to grieve at home
And not deal with comforting words from people.

Maman is still feeling very pregnant
And having morning sickness
Although you are already not here
It will be strange that next week Maman will feel un-pregnant.
And all this will feel like a dream.

Although we didn't have chance
To know you for a longer time
Or to see you for a few more times,
We grew to love you and you have become part of our lives.
It's going to be hard to be back to lives before you.

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11apr

Today maman went to gynae alone
Because papa is overseas
It will be the final ultrasound scan
To see whether you grown
Or if you have a heartbeat
Sadly, it was bad news

Gynae saw another embyro in the sac
It means there could be 2 of you
But all of you went gone
Maman was given medicine to take on sat
To take both of you away

Maman was prepared to let you go
But was sad to know is both of you
Papa said that he hoped not to have twins
But Maman know its not his fault
Just the risks were higher

Maman texted her close friends,
Your ah Yi and godpa the bad news
Everyone is sad
But gave courage to Maman

Papa is sad too
Because he was hoping that you made it
Maman bought a nice box
To keep your photos and test kits
It's time to let go.

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16apr - day of induced abortion

0520 - first dose
I managed to wake up earlier than planned
Took my breakfast, the painkiller,
The dreadful med and prepare heatpack
I also start cooking a pot of porridge
In case I will be too much pain later on

Pain started at about 9ish
Very bad cramps but no spotting/blood
Feels like uterus is forcing to start the process
Finally, first drop of blood
But nothing after except for very bad cramps
I wanted to kill someone

1000 - 2nd dose
Pain seemed to subside
I managed to eat porridge, took my painkiller
And took the second dose at 1000.
Very light bleeding starts.

1230
Sudden sharp pain and cramps
I went toilet very often
As its the most comfortable position to be
Suddenly, i felt like a small balloon burst
Then lots of watery blood
I felt less pain and cramp
Maybe the sac has been passed out
But not too much bleeding
I can't really see anything in toilet

1400 - 3rd dose
I was afraid
That is not a clean miscarriage
And need go for dnc??
Supposed to be much more blood clots?
Cramps reduced and i managed to eat lunch
Take 3rd and last dose at 1400.

1550
Very sharp pain and cramps
I thinks is the contractions
Because they come and goes for past 40mins
But it was terrible
Felt like someone stabbed me and turning the knife inside me

Finally, i went toilet
And saw I passed a big clot on pad
Didn't look like blood clot
It was pink and greyish
Looks like an alien monster at about 10-15cm
Is it the placenta?

Husband came and see
He was shocked that it was so big
We all expected a 2/3cm sac to be passed out
Since gynae said sac was only 6mm
Very bad cramps and heavy flow thereafter
Hopefully cramps and flow will stop soon.

1730
Contractions continued but with longer time gaps
But it felt to be taking turn on left and right side
I went to toilet and managed to pass out
A smaller monster piece again
More bleeding came
And finally all subsided around 1800
And felt like a normal but lighter period.

I survived without complications.
The last step will be to go for scan on Thu
Hopefully all had been cleared

To my baby:
I'm sorry that we can't do anything
To protect you or keep you growing well
You had been very brave and fight well
I'm sorry that you can't be here with us
But im sure that you wont be alone
In heaven, gong gong is waiting for you
Someday I will see you again
Goodbye for now,
My almost-child...

TEFAF@Masstricht

Normally I will be depressed after our trip to Singapore
However, this year I didnt have much time to be depressed
Less than a week in France, 
I was to leave for 10 days to Masstricht, Holland to help the Redpencil at TEFAF
Redpencil is an organisation that aims to bring art therapy to families and children.
Basically it started when my classmate told me that Redpencil is looking for a coordinator in Paris
and i wrote to them that I will be interested to help but not as coordinator
because of my bad french
So, i started to be involved and they needed volunteers with this event, so I agreed to go

Apart from husband,
I think i really need to thank my boss
She is so nice to allow me to take leave again after my 1month leave to go Singapore
I still find it a little sad that the whole family is shifting to Africa soon

Although the org covers the transportation and hotel fees,
we were tasked to book our own train tickets
Due to the train strikes happening in Paris for 8-10Mar,
I only left paris on 10mar morning instead of the required 9 mar.
I was a little upset because i was coordinating with my supposed room mate but she wasnt so helpful
and I got the idea that she was a staff so i depended more on her
In the end, I will say the 10 days staying together definitely helped in understanding what happened
im so glad that we didnt hate each other and became friends instead

The TEFAF is located in a small city of Holland
and the worst is the exhibition hall is 10min drive from the center
and we are staying in the hotel beside the exhibition hall
There is basically nothing around, as in nothing
Our meals were either in the hotel or the exhibition hall 
which became very boring in a few days.
Since we were expected to be at our fundraising booth everyday from 11-7
We didnt have much life
Especially when we heard that shops closes at 6/7pm daily at the center
There were 2 evenings that we did had dinner elsewhere 
with the other staff of the organisation

I will say despite the hard work to ask for donations etcs
It is definitely an eye opener to be at TEFAF
where tickets are priced at 60eur/day and so far from the city,
I dont think I will ever go there on my own
Meeting different people from the world of private arts collectors and galleries
is also a new experience for me
everyday felt like im in a big musesum
and hope i dont accidently fall or spill water on any art piece.

Finally on thursday evening,
we went to the center for dinner and shopping!
I remembered it so well because thursdays are the only days that shops are opened till 9pm!
I desperately need to buy a pair of shoes
because i only have a pair of boots that i wore daily
and it was really stinky! 
Luckily, i managed to find a new pair of shoes
and we get to eat mcdonald for dinners!
I was so happy to eat unhealthy and cheap food 
than the same hotel menu everyday
Well, we did found a small kebab shop near hotel on our departure day
but its kinda too late
I quite like the look of the center
I think is time to look at planning a holiday to holland!!

By the 7th day, i got so tired of speaking and standing

that my energy level reduced drastically and i want to be home soon!

I was so happy on the last day but dreaded the near 5hours travel

which takes about 5 transfers for me to be home?!

I was happy to be home and i think I will have a rest before volunteering for so long again

last week in Singapore

After the husband left Singapore,
I practically did not have much plans for my last week
Basically is just meeting my friends at any slots they can do it
And spending my last day wandering around with my sister.
Times flies and it was time to leave...
Thank you everyone for making time to meet me
Im missing everyone so much!!!

Legoland

Without a car, it seems difficult for us to go to JB legoland
I was looking at groupon for some coach and entrance tickets bundle
So I invited my family to go with us
and surprisingly, everyone was available and off we go!
We set off at 8am on Saturday and was surprised that there was no traffic
and we arrived at legoland about 9am where all shops were still closed.
We managed to hold on the kids till the KFC opened at 945am for breakfast
I think the kids were happy disturbing an earthworm on the ground.

The weather was good
It was not too hot, cloudy with rain at times
And the park was quite empty that we took all the rides
and at times didnt even need to come down from the rides for the 2nd, 3rd etcs round.
So, i think we were really lucky to visit the park on that day!

I dont know is it im getting old or simply im not a fan of roller coasters
I was constantly asking my sis whether the ride was scary 
and regret taking the ride 
It didnt helped that the kids were much braver than me

The funniest part was the adults had to walk around the park in wet clothes
after my sis assured us that we wont be too wet after the water roller coaster
at least the kids had raincoats or extra clothes to change
while we just went to the toilets to squueze the excess water out of our clothes, haha

Since the adults were lazy and it was not our first trip to legoland,

It was easy to persuade the husband to take the kids rides with the kids

and i kept telling him that he wont have the chance to do so if there was no kids with him! haha

We managed to take a walk to look at the lego displays 

and catch the show before leaving the park at about 5pm

For dinner, brother decided to bring us to the korean bbq

which husband has been looking forward for so long

since i introduced him to watch Running man!

I dont think the service was fantastic but we did had a good time...

After dinner, we had some time to waste to avoid the traffic jam

So, we went to the nearby mall and hudband gets to try the korean ice cream with the kids

and wandered around the mall for a little while.

Sadly, we still got caught in the traffic jam and it took us about 2hours plus to be home

While in the car, we were entertained or entertained the kids with silly alphabets games

The next evening,

we had another family dinner of xiao long bao before i sent husband for his flight...

I think the legoland trip was great to help us bond with the kids

and for them to really warmed up to us

Sadly, by this time, it was time for us to leave Singapore soon...

Going Thailand - Part 8

Day 12 - Last day in Thailand (BKK)

Since the pratunam market opens at 5am
and my sis told me how she went at 6am for solo shopping
Google tell me the best time to go is 630-830
So, i was really prepared to wake up early and leave by 630am
Husband was game enough to join me for the last bit of shopping!
In the end, we only managed to leave the hotel at 650am
and reached the market at about 7.10am
Since it was our last day in BKK, i told husband that I will shop till 800am
So that we can still enjoy the rest of the day till the flight
In the end, i finished shopping by 815am
Not bad huh?

Anyway, in the beginning we found some cheap tee shirts i wanted easily
husband got 1 too and he regretted not getting more.
but thereafter, it felt like a stagnant shopping,
i found it too expensive (Remember we didnt had much cash)
or i need to force myself to buy more than 3pieces in the same shop
and nothing really interests me
I did forced myself to buy a dress for a higher price
because we were about to leave
Feeling a little depressed that i only bought so little.
While we were leaving, I went into a last shop
and bought 2 more tops 
So, it made me felt better that i shopped enough

We then went to grab macdonald breakfast and Ice thai milk tea back to hotel
Initially husband wanted to go for a swim or suana to benefit from the morning
End up, he just took a nap
I packed the bags and we prepared ourselves to check out
and take back our precious 1000baht deposit
And left our bags with the lobby

We walked a little in platinum mall
thinking to buy last minute sandals for husband
but didnt buy anything
While searching for a place for lunch
we strumbled to a big banner "No brunch in Singapore!"
So we got curious and went in for lunch
I think its call Soi 19
They only have wanton mee and stew pork rice
at fixed price of 100baht each!
Which i think its quite expensive, when our horfun the day before was 40baht

The portion was really small

I think can finish in 5 mouth

I will say the noodle is good but not really worth the hype and price

Oh the tiny white pieces in photo are crab meat

I forgot to take photo of the stew pork rice

but there was only fats and skin!

I feel very cheated and claimed the street stall pork rice was nicer

husband thinks this was nicer

Well, I dont know why they insisted so much about no brunch in Singapore

inside, there were many signboards writing the same

i guess i wont especially come back for it again...

After lunch, we decided to head to the airport via the citylink train

Despite the station looked close to the hotel,

we asked the bellboy for directions

I think he was trying to tell us a shortcut

we ended up walking through small busy streets

and some sort of slums for 20mins

before arriving at the station

and realising we walked so much that we arrived at the station before our designated station

well, at least the train depart from this station too.

Due to the hotel deposit,

husband felt rich in the airport and end up buying expensive airport's food

which we didnt really enjoyed

We reached singapore at about 10pm

and find it hard to resist the temptation to take a taxi home

So, we decided to cab home, haha

Bye bye Thailand!!