you are often still in my thoughts...
5)Never be ashamed of your job
Maybe i was too young,
I never heard you once complained about being a hawker.
Even when you fried kway tiao stall didnt do well,
you tried to add fried hookien mee into your menu,
in the end, you ended up joing mum's yong tau foo,
yet, i never heard you say that maybe hawker is not for you
and tried to change your career.
I admit that i was immature
and never was proud that my parents were hawkers.
I remembered that i was hurt deeply once,
my ex boyf laughed at how my allowance was all in $2 notes
and i felt like i couldnt defend you
because i was not proud of your job.
End up, his friend scolded him
and indirectly reminded me that,
you are making a decent income,
you are not doing bad things to feed the family,
why should i be ashamed of your job?
4)Never lose your humor
Despite not being the best joker,
or ever good at telling jokes.
I lost count of the times that you repeated old jokes,
or told us jokes that you heard,
that ended up being unfunny after your interpretations.
Yet, in the last few months of your life,
i recalled sitting on your hospital bed,
trying to crack you up with silly jokes or acts,
and you never failed to laugh
or gave me a smile when you couldnt.
How many of us can be like you,
not losing our sense of humor
in face of pending death?
3) Be proud of your child
Being low educated and manual labors,
i guess you never had high hopes
about how each of us will be successful in life.
You always told the same story
how you saw really smart people who went crazy
in the mental hospitals,
that you would never force us to study.
Yet, all of your children managed to be university graduates.
And i always remember the pride you have on your face,
telling others how all your children are university graduates.
If you can see us now,
im sure you must be so proud that we are doing well in life...
2) Love your child unconditionally
After you left,
i always had the same image in mind,
it somehow became an anchor in my heart,
that whenever im feeling lost or simply tired of the world.
I remembered clearly how you used to cycle me after school
we went by the same garden to go back to the stall,
the garden was full of jackfruit trees
and i always told you that they were beehives
because i was young that i cant remembered the name of it.
Each time without fail,
you always told me gently the correct chinese name for them.
Never once, you judge me for not remembering the name
or gave up at telling me repeatedly.
It was such a simple act of non-judgemental love,
that often reminds me that i should not worried whether im good enough
because i deserved to be love as who i am.
1) Never never never give up...
I never known someone as brave as you.
You survived your first cancer,
even when it required a major surgery to remove your foodpipe,
with the risk that you may never eat normally again,
you managed to do so and lived a normal life.
In about a year, you got stroke that had you paralysed on the right side,
at your age and state of the stroke,
no one had high hopes of your recovery,
yet, you worked hard at therapy,
created an umbrella cane because you didnt like having a real cane,
became mobile and independent in such a short period of time.
You never liked or let mum to hold you to show your independence,
but never once complained when i do so.
Life seems unfair to strike you with cancer again.
Even though we didnt dare to tell you the truth early,
you seemed to know and still tried your best to fight it.
I remembered the nights that you were in so much pain
and mistook me as a nurse begging me for more morphine,
but times when pain was berable,
you are back to your cheerful self to 'entertain' many who came to visit.
And in my heart,
i always felt that you left us so fast
within 3 months of the official diagnosis,
because you cant bear to see us 'tortured' by your sickness.
Your bravery is something I wish i have...
Its the month of november,
apart from being appreciative that you and mum gave me life
its also the birthday month of the 3 of us.
Till the day we meet again,
i will hold these lessons close to my heart....
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