Am i still in grief?

I remembered in 1 of my sessions with my therapist,
we were speaking about my father
and i asked 'When will grief ends?'
Despite studying grief process as part of my studies,
I really wondered about whether there is an end to it?
I kinda remembered that she answered maybe grief never ends,
but its just transit into a way that it interferes less in daily life.

This year, i had 2 big losses.
First, were the twins.
Next, was nono.
Since my sis-in-law got a new cat,
husband and i spoke about having a pet.
Although he is a cat person, 
I am a dog person,
im sure we can come to an agreement on which to have.
Or maybe a cat-dog.

I must say the idea of having a pet sounds good
especially now that we have no kids
and a terrace in home.
Yet, it will all come down to i dont want a pet
because im so afraid to feel the same pain when Nono left.
I wondered how so many people can continue to have pets
after their pets left them.
Maybe, im not good at handling deaths.

Finally, November is coming.
A big reminder that we could had been parents now
if the twins never left us.
Friends, who got pregnant at the same time,
had delivered or soon to deliver.
It does not help that we dont have good news each month.
At times, i wondered whether we lost our only chance to have kids.

Compared to husband,
im definitely less hopeful or excited 
at maybe we will have it this or next month
or even the near future.
As the trying becomes futile,
my hopes and efforts reduced.
It took us 10months to get the twins,
and it has been 6 months of trying now. 
Apart from the monthly disappointments,
I guess there is the fear of 'what if it happens again?'

I think I am not as brave as I thought.